The Game

The Game. They say people either have what it takes, or they don't. I watch all these other successful students outreaching and kicking butt. Me on the other hand, I'm kinda screwed. 

One of my recent professors had been a nurse for 20 some years. She said something one day that I thought was a good idea and it always stuck with me. She said when we start our career into medicine, to keep a journal, as silly as it sounds. She said that it can help you think things through, can get heat off your chest, it can help you reflect. A bunch of different things. So, I figure this counts, right? Even though I'm not technically even in nursing school yet, just doing my pre reqs? Idk. Idk anything about anything right now, but I'm trying. 

Didn't get any of the hospital jobs I applied for. I heard losts of people tell me, oh it's just a bad economy right now. I don't think that's entirely true. The part that makes me laugh the most is they all say "Experience Preferred", but they wont hire you because you don't have experience. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET EXPERIENCE IF NO ONE WILL HIRE YOU?!?!?! It actually makes me laugh a bit. I know I will get in somewhere. Right now I'm facing situations I REALLY don't want to, but it depends on perspective. I say no way, I am no interested therefore I will hate the work and not learn anything. They say suck it up and get your foot in the door. Both I think are equally important, so I'm fighting this one. 

I'm trying to keep my cool when it comes to studying. I know I get worked up, but hey, I'm paying for the freaking classes! I dont have a rich family or wealthy spouse to pay for my schooling/housing/bills/food/pets/supplies/etc etc etc. I pride myself in the knowledge that I work hard for what I have, that hey, I earned that and it wasnt handed to me. But then I go and bitch about how I wish it was easier. I look at it this way; maybe you'll have a trust fund, maybe you will have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Here's the thing about me. I love a challenge. I didn't know this until maybe a year or so ago. I was talking to my best friend of over a decade, and I was asking alot of 'why' questions. After a period of mulling things over, I hear her say, "because you would not be happy if there wasnt a challenge involved. You get bored too quickly where there is no resistance." (insert explosion sound here) Really? Also recently I discovered hey, I might just be an adrenaline junkie. Not in a bad way either. I could talk all day about how I have no interest in the medical field, and how I could quit and be happy. But then I talk about how exciting it is, blah blah blah (enter scenario here), and there I go! They say people go into medicine for the rush. For the high. I can believe that now. 

After getting turned down for a few hospital jobs I was really hurt. It was weird too. I don't normally take anything like that personally. It's just the way things are. I need to apply to a few more jobs. I'm looking at a different hospital too. Part of me went, oh goodness no I don't want anymore make it go away!!! Then sitting here, it dons on me, hey, you can either waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them. 

Man I get sidetracked. Yay ADHD! It's the H that is the issue. I digress. Anyway, finishing up my 'idiot proof lentils'. Look it up on youtube. The Tofu Guru. She's funny. Well, I need to finish this chapter and get to bed for work tomorrow. I need to go ahead and submit those apps too. May goth be with you!